Two Truths and a Lie.

Two Truths and a Lie. A tried and true getting-to-know-you game. You share two truths and one lie and everyone else tries to spot the lie. 

Can you spot the lie out of these three statements?

1. I can’t hurt someone else’s feelings.

2. In a good marriage/relationship you notice your partner’s needs and try to fill them.

3. Children shouldn’t listen to their parents.

Number 1

Is True. It’s not what someone says or does to you that makes you feel something. It’s the thought you have about what they said or did that makes you feel something.

For example, If someone says to you, “It would do you good to lose a little weight.” What thought would you have? 

You might think, “They think I’m fat.” and then you might feel hurt or ashamed.

Or maybe you’d think, “They’re crazy. I am the perfect weight.” and then you’d feel confused or maybe entertained.

We’re taught not to hurt each other’s feelings but the reality is that we hurt ourselves with our thoughts. 

I do highly recommend being kind because it feels good and it tends to help others think useful thoughts about themselves. But, if you are saying or doing something in order to make someone feel a certain way, it’s a total gamble because what they feel is totally dependent upon their thoughts (and vice versa). 

Number 2

Is a lie. Now, before you call me crazy, just hear me out.

I’m calling it a lie because it is commonly taught and it sounds nice but, it can actually be the source of contention in a relationship. 

Let’s use a birthday or anniversary as an example. It’s common for someone to expect some kind of thoughtful gesture, gift or plan on such occasion. We often want our partner to know our secret expectations and then we’re disappointed when it doesn’t come to fruition. 

When we believe statement #2, we give all the power to our partner and depend upon them for our happiness. We rely on them to notice our needs and fill them when the truth is that we our always the best ones to fill our own needs. 

You know you better than anyone else and when you take care of yourself (the best that you can) then you are free to just love your partner. And anything they do for you, is just bonus. 

Don’t get me wrong. My husband does many things that help me and I’m extremely grateful. I also do things to try and make his life better but it’s a choice I make from a place of love, without expecting anything in return and I don’t do it at my own expense.  

When I take care of my own needs (the best that I can), I start noticing all the little things he does for me instead of what he doesn’t.

Number 3

Is true. If you’re a parent you probably have a list of things you think your kids should or shouldn’t do. As a mom of three, I totally get it. But ask yourself, should your child always listen to you? Or does it make sense for a child to not listen well? 

As an adult it can be hard to listen so why do we expect kids to be so good at it? My point isn’t that it’s okay for kids to ignore their parents but instead, it’s that it makes sense when they do. 

Kids have short attention spans, want to keep doing the fun things they are doing, and don’t want to do chores, etc. (I’m the same:).

I do set expectations and consequences for my kids, I just recognize that it makes sense when they don’t do what I ask. When I approach it like this, not only do I stay calmer, but I start to see all the many times they do listen. In turn, I am able to praise them for those good decisions.

I challenge you to do something to take care of yourself today. You deserve it!

xo, Jo