How to Become Capable

Have you ever tried to form a new habit, stop a bad one, or try something new only to fail time and time again?

If so, you probably now have the belief that you are incapable of doing this thing. But, what if I told you that there’s a way that just might work this time? A way that maybe you’ve never tried before.

In this blog post I’m going to take you by the hand and demonstrate exactly how to go from incapable to more than capable. By using information from your past failures, knowledge about your strengths, and things you like to do, I’ll show you how to create a simple, powerful strategy of success.

First, let’s take a look at a generic thought process that demonstrates how to ladder your way to becoming capable.

This general structure is important to know but hold tight until the real life example that follows. That’s where I’ll really take you by the hand and shifts in your beliefs and mind are more likely to happen.

Here’s the general flow/structure of a person’s thoughts as they shift from feeling incapable to giving room for capability to creating strategy to taking action and to becoming capable:

Imagine this internal dialogue:

I feel incapable. My brain keeps showing me my past failures.

But, sometimes I am capable of things. I can think of many things I’m already capable of doing.

I wonder if my past failures can give me useful information for trying again but doing things differently.

I wonder if I can use this information and add to it the knowledge I have about my current capabilities, strengths, and things I enjoy doing.

Maybe the thing I feel incapable of doing can be broken down into super small steps.

Maybe, keeping in mind my strengths and what didn’t work last time, I can create a strategy of small steps to accomplish the first small step.

Attempt and complete first small step.

I did it but it’s probably a fluke. Let’s try it again.

Attempt and complete second small step and repeat for as long as it takes until comfortable with it.

That worked. Maybe I can strategize for the next step too.

Strategize and attempt third step but not follow through.

Ugh, that didn’t go so well. Maybe I need to take a smaller step or tweak my strategy.

Edit strategy/ take smaller step.

That worked. I am becoming capable of doing this.

Confidently move on to fourth step.

I know I can do this if I just keep focusing on the next small step.

Over time, as you remind yourself to do very small steps and to take your time, you become capable of the thing you once thought you were incapable of.

So, now you’ve been introduced to the steps but they’re pretty vague and not super inspiriting so let’s see what these steps might look like in a real life situation.

Steps in action:

I am completely incapable of working out consistently. I’ve tried for my entire adult life and can never stick with it.

Whenever I think about trying again, my brain reminds me of how awful getting up early to work out is and the three different times I got a gym membership but never went.

I’m capable of so many things, why can’t I do this?

Which reminds me, I’m actually capable of many things and have accomplished a variety of things throughout my life. I know how to cook and I used to not know how to do that.

In fact there are a lot of things I’m not just capable of but good at. Like planning parties and planning and cooking meals.

And I love to do that while listening to true crime podcasts and audio books.

I wonder if like a recipe, I can break down learning to exercise regularly, into super small steps. I always tried to start exercising by going all in, full throttle, which made me feel overwhelmed. Maybe smaller steps will help.

For my first step I’m not going to change into workout clothes or make a protein drink. I’m just going to slip on some shoes, go outside, and walk leisurely while I listen to one chapter of my audio book.

Attempt and complete step one successfully.

That felt so good that I kept walking for two chapters. I think I’m ready for step two tomorrow. I’ll do the same thing but get my workout clothes on and run a mile.

Attempt step two the next day but get annoyed by having to change your clothes and when you finally find a good playlist to listen to and have jogged for one minute, your phone dies. You walk/sulk home discouraged.

BUT…

You remember that your first step went wel.l

Okay, normally this is when I’d give up but I’m going to use the information I have to better plan my next step.

Step one worked really well so this time I’ll do the same but listen to three chapters of my book instead of two.

Your attempt is successful so you repeat it for five days of the first week.

My brain is trying to tell me that I should have pushed myself harder but I’m in charge of my brain so I keep telling it that I’ve never stuck with exercise for a week before and I’m proud of myself.

Laying in bed Sunday night you are worried that you’re going to lose motivation and fall off the wagon but instead of getting discouraged, you set an alarm to get up early tomorrow and take a walk.

The morning comes and you sleep through your alarm. You wake up late.

I knew I’d fail.

But wait, didn’t I set myself up for failure because I know I’m not a morning person? Last week I was consistent because the kids had a break from school and I took my walks in the afternoon. This information can be a part of my strategy moving forward.

You feel curious and excited about finding the next small step.

You plan on taking a walk at 3 pm but when the time comes, it’s raining. You are still buzzing with curiosity from earlier so you don’t give up.

I’m going to get on my treadmill and walk leisurely while I watch half of an episode of The Last of Us.

You end up watching the entire episode and are actually disappointed when it’s time to move on with your day.

I can’t believe that I didn’t want to stop exercising. Maybe I’ll increase my speed just a little bit tomorrow.

You set an alarm to walk at 3pm the next day (no more mornings!).

The next day is still rainy.

That’s okay, I can’t wait to watch another episode of my show. Maybe I can jog a little today. Oh wait, I remember that I need to take small steps that don’t overwhelm me. I’ll just increase my speed to a brisk walk and see how it goes.

It goes well and you continue doing this for the rest of the week, using the treadmill on rainy days and walking outside on nice days.

Your family starts to notice that you’re working out consistently and in a better mood. They comment and say they’re proud of you.

Wow, I’m doing it! Do I feel ready for the next step? Yes, as long as I keep moving in small steps.

Over the next two months, you continue exercising five days a week, increase your speed and distance in small increments, and lose five pounds. You’ve finished two audio books and most of a TV series. You naturally hydrate more and start eating a bit healthier because you want to be stronger for longer walks. But you don’t diet or plan obsessively. You are focused on becoming capable of consistently exercising and that is your focus.

I’m so proud of myself and kind of shocked by how easy this has been and how other parts of my life have become healthier naturally. Am I getting good at this?

You continue moving forward incrementally and by the end of six months you briskly walk a 5K and after a year, you jog your first 5K. You didn’t even plan on doing this.

When I look back, I realize that I had limiting beliefs about myself that I was subconsciously obeying. I had a story that said I sucked at exercising, wasn’t a runner, never ate vegetables, and didn’t drink enough water. But now I realize that who I am is always changing. If I just strategize step by step, I can become capable of so many things and I can’t wait to see the next version of me.

Is this example kind of cheesy and a bit over simplified?

Yes, but this strategy works. Choose anything you want to become more capable of but that you’ve failed doing in the past. Write down what didn’t work and what was hardest for you. Next, write down what your strengths and talents are. Then, write down things you like to do.

Use that information to create a strategy that’s different than others you’ve tried before.

Here’s another example that follows the structure I’ve taught above:

You want to finally start writing the e-book that’s been kicking around in your head for a couple of years. In the past, you’ve tried locking yourself in a nice quiet room for an hour a day at a desk with some caffeine and your laptop. But when you try to write, your mind blanks. You try again on different days and different times of day but to no avail.

What can we learn from these past attempts?

Maybe sitting at a desk or being closed in a quiet room doesn’t work for you. Maybe caffeine makes you jittery instead of focused. Maybe the amount of time needs to change.

What are your strengths?

I’m creative and laser focused once I get the ball rolling.

What do you like?

I like classical music, being outside, smoothies, and white noise.

What strategy can you create knowing these things?

I’ll set aside an entire afternoon and bring my laptop, a picnic blanket, and a smoothie to a quiet spot at a park and let nature inspire me. When an idea comes into my mind, I’ll put my ear buds in and listen to white noise while I write. I’ll get in the zone and stay laser focused for three hours straight.

When a new multi-step strategy, like the above park scenario, doesn’t work, remember to break things down into small steps.

The first step might be setting aside an hour on Thursday to sit outside with your laptop. If an idea comes, great, if not, you still sat with an open mind in nature and can try a different small step next time.

The idea is to not give up just because something isn’t working. Collect data on what does and doesn’t work, alter the strategy accordingly and/or make the steps smaller and keep moving forward.

You can do it!

Xo,

Jody